bad moods

I’m in one. I don’t know why.

Like anything, they come around and when they’re here they’re here.

I used to deal with depression more than I do now. Usually, I end up with a couple days every so often where I am testy and pissy and angry. The problem is that I don’t know why.

I’m sure most of us deal with something like this in their lives. It happens. It’s a part of being human.

But today, man, am I pissed off for no particular reason.

I could write about COVID-19 and how I want my normal life back and how being stuck inside a tiny apartment is starting to get old. I could tell you that I feel like I’m getting the first wave of cabin fever and, man, does it suck. And all of that would be true.

I’m also pissed because sometimes I feel like I’m working for no real reason other than to work. I’ve fallen behind on trying to publish, my writing hasn’t been flowing lately, my real job has been tense, and I’m isolated from my friends and family.

Let me be clear: The work has always been hard. But the idea of being stuck inside when the weather is warming and there is nothing to do but watch another fucking show on Netflix is just getting under my skin. And all that pent up emotion is not making the writing come easy and when the writing doesn’t come easy (at least sometimes) the publication stuff really starts to be a slog. Soon enough, it all feels like I’d rather just stop than keep going.

It’s a domino effect. And it’s bullshit.

I know I don’t want to stop the things that I’m doing. They’re important to me.

But I do think that I need to hold myself to slightly different standards during a global pandemic.

I hate those stupid posts that say some bullshit like, “Shakespeare wrote King Lear during a pandemic.”

Fuck. Off.

Shakespeare probably wasn’t even a guy named Shakespeare.

Routine has been shattered. The world is in a global panic. My family is states away and my mother is a healthcare worker. It’s not fair to expect the world from people who are literally just trying to make it through the day.

So, the message behind the bad mood post is that you need to give yourself some slack. I need it. You probably need it. Otherwise, you’re going to end up loosing your mind over things that, honestly, can wait.

My writing is not going anywhere and, thanks to a virus, neither am I.

Take a breath. Breath it out. And move forward knowing that tomorrow will be a better day.

ER

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