I have learned something! And I feel the need to share it.
I don’t value my partner enough. Now, please note where I have put the emphasis. It’s important. I do (see the emphasis) value my partner. But I had an experience that led me to understand that I do not value her enough.
So, here we go.
Recently, my partner left to go visit her parents. We’re in New England and they are in New Jersey, so she was going to be gone for a little less than a week. I’ve shared the size of our apartment on this blog. But if you don’t want to skim the backlog, the apartment is 416 square feet. It’s fucking tiny and terrible. When one of us is out, it feels like a more livable space.
She was going to be gone. And I was happy to have some “me” time. I was ready. I made a list of shit that I was going to do and get done while I had the place to myself. I had reading and writing and watching that needed to be checked off. Now, I work a 9-5 job. I was never going into full vacation mode. But I was hoping that I could have some time to just be me and not have to worry about disturbing someone else.
It’s normal and it’s human.
Then she actually left and I realized exactly how dependent I am on another person.
Now, let me take a minute here. I’m not talking about the “I can’t live without you” bullshit. And I’m not talking about unhealthy codependency. I love my partner. Yes. I can live without them. I’m an independent person. I don’t need someone to be happy. Having someone just makes it much easier to be happy.
What I learned is that my partner does many things that help me be me. What I mean is that when she is gone there are things that happen when I’m not around that I, sometimes, forget are happening. She just does them and they’re done, so I forget that they needed to be done. You dig?
And for the love of god, don’t get on me about talking about “women’s work is house work” or anything to that affect. I am writing “partner,” because we are partners. We share the load. She and I are equals in our relationship. I value that equality between us. I’m only saying that when her share of the partnership becomes my share of the partnership, I suddenly realize how much we both do for each other.
And I miss her.
So, I guess there’s the sappy shit.
But anyway, I think it’s important (especially for writers who are self-centered and cranky) to understand how much the people we value allow us to be ourselves.
Without my partner, I haven’t written a word. I haven’t completed anything on my me-time to-do list. I’ve been busy doing everything around the house after a full day of work. And it’s astounding how much you don’t have to think about because of the people that you value.
So, remember the people in your life. They’re important and they do things that you don’t always see, but you benefit from.