approaching 30

I’m in a weird space. I’m getting older. I know this because I found a few grey hairs in the past few months. Also, my body is starting to change in odd ways. My knees pop, my damn hips pop. I’m getting old.

It’s bound to happen to all of us. Living is always getting closer to death. That’s just the truth, regardless of how harsh it may sound.

A decade ago, I would have told you that I didn’t really want to make it to 30. I’d have spun you some bullshit about how much better it would be to live fast and die young. And I would have done it with a straight face and the faith of an evangelical. But that was bullshit.

Getting old has perks and I’m glad that I never lived fast enough to die young.

Maybe I’m a sellout, but I’m stoked for financial stability, the ability to significantly pay down my debt, and to be a homeowner. I thrive in routine and hard work and time spent with the people that I care about. Old age gives you that. I know 30 isn’t geriatric-old, but it’s the closest I’ve ever been to my mid-life crisis. That makes it pretty damn old to me.

I busted my ass in my 20s. I worked long hours for little pay, I wrote hundreds of papers pursuing my masters, and changed the entire landscape of how I lived. In some ways, your 20s is the time to be able to do those things. You have the energy, the drive, and the hunger to do it. And if you keep doing that work, it can pay off.

I’m still hungry and I still work hard. But now I look forward to being able to afford to take vacations. I’m excited by the prospect of not having to check my bank account every month. However, these things can only happen when you’ve put in the work beforehand.

I’ve written before that I am a workaholic. That’s true. So is my partner. I don’t think that is going to change. I’m still going to write everyday that I can, read whenever I can, try to publish my work, work a full-time job, make time for my partner, and strive to be social and see friends. None of that gets to change.

I just look forward to a more stable environment where I will be doing those things. When you move three times in three years, stability is a godsend. I’m hoping that my third decade will bring that type of stability.

So, decade-previous-Ethan. You’re wrong, man. Live fast and die young isn’t going to work out after all. Maybe for some people. Not for old-man-Ethan who dun made it to his 30s.


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